John McCain

I Heard Somebody Say “Drill Baby Drill”/ RNC Inferno

Forget about the "Drill here, Drill now!" jingle. "Drill Baby Drill" is the new and improved Freudian phallic call to action.

"Drill Baby Drill," the chant that dominated the RNC on Wednesday night, is all up in our national discourse's grill. Wired Science Magazine just announced a "Drill, Baby, Drill!" remix contest. And on today's Meet the Press, Thomas Friedman got his panties all up in a bunch over the drilling national anthem, which he compared to, " demanding, 'IBM Selectric typewriters, IBM Selectric typewriters'... on the eve of the IT revolution, the revolution of PCs and the internet." Friedman acknowledged he wasn't there at the Excel Center. But you know who was (and has two opposable thumbs)? THIS guy. So, allow me to share.

I'll never forget sitting in a sea of white people, encouraging everyone to "Drill, Baby, Drill." Not that I don't love the "Drill Here, Drill Now" classic, coined by John McCain. But there's something especially catchy and inspiring about "Drill, Baby, Drill." And it inspired me to think the following:

1) I need to write an oil exploration cover of the song The Trammps' (Burn, baby, burn) Disco Inferno. FYI, I already started my cover of Jesus Jones' Right Here/ Right Now which goes a little something like this: Drill Here/ Drill Now/ There is no other place/ I'd like to drill.

2) There could be an inverse relationship between how much Republicans get laid and how much they support laying pipe in natural reserves. If Republicans got their own drill on, would they be less "excited" by the vicarious drilling exploits and conquests proposed by Mc-Palin?

Katie's blog

McCain: 5 Reasons You Should Curb Your Enthusiasm for Curb Your Enthusiasm

When Entertainment Weekly conducted a Woodward and Bernstein-like investigation of "all the presidential candidates'" pop culture favorites, I was shocked-and-awed to learn you are a Curb Your Enthusiasm fan.

Although I disagree with your policies, I must admit I share your taste in television, which, as they say, makes strange bedfellows. So, as a fellow fan, I beg you to "curb your enthusiasm" for the show. Since your endorsement, I've been unable to think of Curb without imagining this frightening image: You are in one of your nine houses in full relaxation mode, you've kicked off your $520 Ferregamo calf skin loafers and you're curled up on the couch with Cindy (whom you just arm wrestled for the remote), snuggling under a polar-bear-fur blanket while a taxidermied bald eagle keeps vigil on the mantle with caribou heads and framed ABBA albums on the walls and you're surrounded by good friends like John Hagee, Rod Parsley and Ralph Reed --your adopted child nowhere in sight (as usual)-- everyone laughing away. I'm scared that this image will haunt me forever and prevent me from enjoying the next season, which I've been looking forward to with much excitement.

I understand that the awkward, white-haired curmudgeon who is always saying the wrong thing as his significantly younger blond wife smiles and suffers is a character with whom you can identify. But I think once you consider the aspects of the show you might have missed, or tried to repress, you'll want to retract your endorsement for the sake of your campaign, your maverick-like integrity, and your country.

1) Larry David is a straight covert operative working for the homosexual agenda. Some of his best friends are gay! When he was in The Producers, he caught some gay cooties from the gay choreographer. In another episode, Larry tried to bring a born-again straight woman "back in the lesbian bosom," making her call off her sanctified marriage. The man is literally a self-avowed "friend o' lesbians."

You're less of an FOL, and more of an EOG (enemy of the gays). You want to keep children safe in orphanages where they can't be adopted recruited by gay parental predators.

2) Larry David hates Bush. His Bush-hatred is stronger than his libido! He is about to score with Cady Huffman when the framed photo of Bush she keeps on her dresser causes Larry to lose his...interest. You may have thought that a Bush photo has an anti-Viagra effect on Larry the character, not Larry the man. But sadly, for you, the real Larry David isn't too much of a fan either. He was employing something called sarcasm (it's a very Jew thing) when he wrote:

I couldn't be happier that President Bush has stood up for having served in the National Guard, because I can finally put an end to all those who questioned my motives for enlisting in the Army Reserve at the height of the Vietnam War. I can't tell you how many people thought I had signed up just to avoid going to Vietnam. Nothing could be further from the truth...But I also knew that our country was being torn asunder by opposition to the war...it rankles me that people assume it was some kind of waltz in the park back then. If only. Once a month, for an entire weekend--I'm talking eight hours Saturday and Sunday--we would meet in a dank, cold airplane hangar. Once, they took us into the woods and dropped us off with nothing but compasses and our wits. One wrong move and I could've wound up on Queens Boulevard. Fortunately, I had the presence of mind to find my way out of there and back to the hangar. Some of my buddies did not fare as well and had to call their parents to come and get them.

You heart Bush.

3) Larry David reads and contributes to the communist press. Larry implores his doctor to replace the crappy magazines he keeps in the waiting room with good magazines like The Nation. The real Larry David appears in Nation ads (as one of the many people who doesn't own it--another indication of the communistic mentality he shares with journal). And--I hope you're sitting down--the real Larry David writes for the Huffington Post.

YOU are not a fan of Arianna Huffington, or as you like to call her, "the source." (Oh snap.)

4) Larry David is a Prius-driving anti-creationist. He even said, "Candidates who do not believe in evolution are not my cup of tea."

YOU are a Harley Davidson-sniffing intelligent designer. You love the "sound of freedom" that emanates from Harleys' revving their engines. You know we need to "drill more, drill now." And intelligent design is Kool Aid of choice!

5) Larry David endorses Obama. Larry is not, however, unsympathetic to undecided voters: "Let's see....one was against the war in Iraq from the beginning, and one wants to keep the troops there for another hundred years. I can see your dilemma."

YOU think Obama is a wounded-troops-snubbing, middle-class-taxing, blond-haired-celebrity, possibly socialist, prophet of the Jews.

The good news is you have tons of other shows to choose from. You told Entertainment Weekly that your wife's favorite show is Big Love. Considering your personal (marital) history, this drama about a modern-day polygamist, is a perfect choice.

Katie's blog

Gore Proves Global Warming by Sweating Profusely, and Nine Other Things I Learned at the Netroots Nation/KKK Gathering

(Written in satire. A literal trasnlation for the tonally impaired is available upon request.)

This weekend I went to Austin, Texas, to attend the third annual Netroots [Aryan] Nation, the convention formerly known as Yearly Kos and recently called a "Klan gathering" by Bill O'Reilly. I agree with O'Reilly that "including the Nazis and the Klan... there is not a more hateful group in the country than the Daily Kos People." I too hate this hateful conference, which encourages democracy, open politics, participatory democracy, grass roots organizing and other Nazi-ish thing. But I attend each year, under the guise of a Laughing Liberally comic and Living Liberally leader, in order to counter the lies of the liberal media, who receive their talking points and marching orders directly from Subcomandante Markos [Moulitsas]. I go because somebody needs to document the atrocities that are ignored by the appeasement era press and distorted by the Netroots deniers. I go to show the world the truth. I go to say Never Again.

So, here are some of the things you won't hear from the liberal media about the four-day gathering of over 2,000 progressive bloggers, journalists, politicians and activists.

1. The netroots are so vicious that Obama was forced to flee to the relative safety of Afghanistan.

2. The netroots are reconsidering their position on FISA. Although they were disappointed with Obama's vote and his absence from the conference, they have now realized that thanks to the new FISA law, Obama could hear everything they said.

3. The surprise guest was no surpirse. Everyone knew the surprise guest would be Al Gore. Duh! He is the inventor of the series of tubes known as the internets.

4. Al Gore proved global warming is real, beyond the shadow of a doubt. I'll admit it, I was a skeptic about global warming. But that was before I saw Al Gore speak live. Because what An Inconvenient Truth doesn't capture, is Gore's presence, energy, and sweat. After watching Gore sweat in an air-conditioned convention hall, it is impossible not to believe in global warming.

5. Al Gore is anti-American. During his speech, Gore mentioned wind turbines several times. Well, wind baseball caps are fine with me, Mr. Vice President. Love it or leave it!

6. The Socialist Party made a debut at the Convention. The convention has had Democrats and recovering Republicans. But this year for the first time, with Nancy Pelosi's attendance, the conference hosted a member of the Socialist Party.

7. Nancy Pelosi has sound judgment (for a Socialist). The Speaker of the House is a radical San Franciscan and a pusher of the Homosexual agenda, Yet when she spoke in Austin, Pelosi demonstrated sound judgment and astute reasoning through her vibrant mint green pants suit, a tasteful Clinton-Cleavage-free blouse, neutral but elegant tan heels, and warm honey highlights.

8. Donna Edwards does not belong in politics. If I learned anything from Representative Edwards' keynote speech, it's that she is too honest, hard-working, passionate, genuine, inspired, and inspiring to be in Congress. What is she thinking?

9. Contrary to popular belief, bloggers do have a sense of humor. The Netroots Nation gift bags included condoms.

10. John McCain should not be misunderestimated by the netroots. After all, McCain is already "aware of the internet." By next year's convention in Pittsburgh, the maverick may know how to get online.

Katie's blog