Teabaggers

Scott Brown's victory was a truly historic moment. For the first time in recent history, a senator-elect announced the dating status of his daughters: "For anyone watching around the country, they're both available." Well, that's not entirely true. "Arianna's definitely not available," he said. "But Ayla is!" (Check out the video here) In all fairness, Ayla is used to being in the spotlight and being embarrassed, since she was an American Idol contestant. Her father is no stranger to idolatry, having modeled nude for the centerfold of Cosmo.

But exhibitionism isn't the only common trait of father and daughter. Alya is also a novice politico, who uses her pipes to belt out tunes and political zingers. She demanded that Martha Coakley take down a dishonest ad (which is less dishonest and more... critical) and highlights a Brown-sponsored bill which "would have allowed a doctor, nurse or hospital to deny rape victims an emergency contraceptive if it 'conflicts with a sincerely held religious belief.'".

Boys, I know talented women can be intimidating. And, since Scott Brown told the entire country that his daughters were single, you're bound to face stiff competition. Look out for Jonah Goldberg who already tweeted his intentions: "Brown daughters are definitely easy on the eyes. If you like that sort of thing."

But I also know from experience that whispering politically appropriate sweet nothings can be the best way to a woman's heart. And if Ayla is anything like her father, she's a tea party-party animal. Scott was supported by the Boston Tea Party, and attended a Friends of the Tea Party Scott Brown Reception, where he encouraged supporters to be "patriots" (for only $25), "Sons of Liberty" (for $100) "Sam Adams" (for $250) and "American Revolutionary (for $500, a real steal.) So try out these Tea Party-friendly pick up lines and you'll be sharing a hot cup with Ayla, and maybe even Arianna, in no time!

1. "I wanna whisper sweet anti-government anti-immigrant, homophobic, racist nothings into your ear."
2. "I want to do to you what Obama is doing to this country... all night long."
3. "I know you're saving yourself for your dad, but can I have you after?"
4. "Do you have any xenophobia in you? Would you like some?"
5. "you're so hot you make me believe in global warming... almost."
6. "I'd love to practice abstinence only with you."
7. "Stop Stimulating my package!"
8. "Not to brag, but I got every Glenn Beck show taped on VHS back at my place."
9. "Show me your O (Bama) Face?"(technically, I think we see it in the video after Scott Brown announces his daughter's availability)

And if things are going really well, try this naughty nugget

1.  "Does the astroturf match the curtains?"

The Health Care vote in the house was close. And it still needs to pass the Senate. Poor branding, such as the term Public Option, didn't help the cause.  But it's not too late to win the support of  Republican enemies and the Teabaggers who control them.  I submit  a list of re-branding alternatives that will have Obamacare foes supporting health care reform faster than you can say Death Panels! Vote on which one will have the Teabaggers Teabagging for reform.

The Private Option 
The Keep the Government out of my Medicare/ Medicaid Option 
• The Eternal Life Panels Option
• The "This Option Kills Commies" Option 
• The "This Option Defeats Gay Marriage" Option 
• The "This Option makes a magical wall that keeps out the illegal aliens" Option 
• The "Let's Trivialize the Holocaust by Comparing it to Health Care Reform" Option 
• The WWBMW (What Would Baby Maddie Weawy Weawy Want) Option