Here is the first of three videos we made for Healthy Americans Against Reforming Medicine

If you love Glenn Beck, you'll LOVE this video.

I wrote this one.

Two more are on their way!

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• healthcare
• HAARM
• glenn beck

Expert economist and seasoned diplomat* Jon Voight isn't the only one on to the "fellow who's bringing us to chaos and socialism." All you have to do is look at Obama's trip to the Middle East to see his darker, more Muslimer, elitister, and inexperienceder side.

Obama is such an elitist, he makes his staff ride camels. Guess there's no room for them in his Prius.

Obama is so experienced and inappropriate, he thinks it's ok for Hillary Clinton to pretend to be a mime outside of a Mosque.

Michelle wore a scarf around her neck when in Paris. The floral foulard may look innocent, but it's just a tug and wrap away from being a full on Muslim head scarf and a pattern away from a Rachael Ray Keffiyah.

In his speech in Cairo, Obama demonstrated a frighteningly intimate familiarity with esoteric ins and outs of Islam [he knows that their holy book is called the Koran] which is basically solid proof that Obama "may still be a Muslim."

Obama displayed his fluency in the language of the Koran when he chatted effortlessly [said "thank you" in Arabic] in Arabic with the King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia. But was "thank you" really what he said? How do we know Obama isn't sending secret socialist-Islamist messages to Muslims in front of our very ears? Unfortunately, we'll never know, since we fired all our gay translators (don't ask/ don't translate), which was still worth it.

Meticulously anal pundits, like Newt Gingrich and Rush Limbaugh, intellectual heavy weights Tom Tancredo, and ex-convict/current actor/ radio personality G. Gordon Liddy have exposed Judge Sotomayor for what she really is: a KKK-supporting, racist, menstruator/pre-menstruator who hates white people and speaks to aliens.

Sotomayors' own beliefs confirm she is a Racist, Sexist, Elitist, Class-Warfare-Inciting Nazi

1. FACT: Sotomayor believes that Latinos' Spanish is better than non-Latinos'
2. FACT: Sotomayor believes that women have more estrogen than men
3. FACT: Sotomayor believes that poor people have less money than rich people.
4. FACT: Sotomayor is such a liberal elitist, she doesn't just live in the North East of the country.The neighborhood she was born and raised in is on the East side of the Bronx. The Bronx is to the North of Manhattan.  I'll let you do the math.
5. FACT: "Sotomayor" means "Hitler in Spanish.

SpeakEasy is a great show. I've done it before. The other performers were OK too. Ha ha. Just kidding. Get it? It's like I was bragging... but then i'm not.

 

 

 

Everyone is speculating about the ways Sotomayor's personal background will compromise her judicial integrity. I mean, it's pretty hard to hold a gavel while eating arroz con pollo, let alone while having a vagina. Here is a list of some glimpses into the personal lives of Supreme Court judges.

1. Judge Breyer opens up about exploring his sexuality: "In my experience when I was 8 or 10 or 12 years old, you know, we did take our clothes off once a day.... We changed for gym, O.K.? And in my experience, too, people did sometimes stick things in my underwear."
2. Scalia declares that when it comes to allegations of crotching, you're guilty until searched and/ or proven innocent: "You search in the student's pack, you search the student's outer garments, and you have a reasonable suspicion that the student has drugs.... Don't you have, after conducting all these other searches, a reasonable suspicion that she has drugs in her underpants? You've searched everywhere else.... By God, the drugs must be in her underpants."
3. Scalia challenges stereotypes about Italians using their hands. Scalia insists the gesture is not offensive or obscene, in which case it can only be interpreted as a gesture or Jewish-Italian hand-using unity.
4. Rehnquist is accused of being a Jew by President Nixon. Referring to Rehnquist as ''Renchberg...the guy dressed like a clown," alluding to Rehnquist's loud shirt and psychedelic tie, the president asked, ''Is he Jewish? He looks it.''
5. Rehnquist brings jazz hands into court. The musical theater buff adds 4 gold braid stripes to the sleeves of his robe after seeing a production of Gilbert and Sullivan's "Iolanthe," in which The Lord Chancellor (comic baritone) wears the costume.
6. Clarence Thomas makes history by becoming first Supreme Court justice accused of asking "Who has pubic hair on my coke?"
7. John Roberts is trans-friendly. A member of the drama club at high school, Roberts plays the female character of Peppermint Patty in the school's production of You're A Good Man Charlie Brown.
8. Mom's say the darnedest things. While her son is trying to stay "mum" on roe v wade, Rose Alito tells the media "of course he's against abortion."
9. "I promised myself I wouldn't cry." After Alito is attacked for his membership (which he can't even recall) in a harmless group (committed to blocking women and minorities from being admitted to Princeton,) Alito's wife starts "crying hysterically after Ted Kennedy made her cry"/ after being reminded she married a bigot.
10. Nominee gets verbed. Bork gets "borked," this losing the nomination but winning the honor of having his name become a verb ("to bork")

1. Throw Mama From the Train (self explanatory)
2. Sophie's Choice (most painful choice ever + holocaust = what's not to love)
3. A Cry in the Dark (dingo infanticide)
4. Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead (I would be remiss if I didn't endorse this as an amazing film)
5. Bambi (I don't want to talk about it. It's too upsetting)
6. Knocked Up (could be awkward for the accidents out there. Also it's overrated and politically a cop-out)
7. Requiem for a Dream (The mother who could pill pop you under the table)
8. Maternal Instincts (best post-hysterectomy repetitive pencil tip breaking scene ever)
9. Spanking the Monkey (the oldest taboo updated by David O. Russell)
10. My Stepson My Lover (or any of these other Lifetime original gems /Mother knows Best/ Mother, May I Sleep With Danger/ My Baby is Missing/ Mom at 16)

Pete Seger's 90th Birthday Party/ Clearwater Benefit Concert as liveblogged by an Upper West Side Red Diaper Grad baby secular Jew.

Run into first friend, Mercedes, whose mother is in the New York City Labor Chorus. Mercedes tells me her mother Rona says "Joan Baez is a doll." 

On escalator I run into a friend from Camp Kinderland #1.

In seating area I run into two more friends from Kinderland (#2,#3).

Wonder if I will run into my aunt, uncle, cousin, other cousin and other cousin's son.

Show starts. Native American Indian Cultural Alliance. I'm nervous that Pete will be a no show and is using concert to highlight the exploitation of Native Americans a la Marlon Brando at the 1973 Oscars.

The Cougar! John Mellencamp sings If I Had a Hammer. Then he introduces a song he wrote, which he said was inspired by Pete. I was sure it was Hurts So Good but it wasn't. It was A Ride Back Home

Billy Bragg says "these are weird times when a labor union can own a car company." He sings, and is funny and has great stage presence. And a totally hot British accent. Is he single? (Billy, if you're reading this, I don't mind that you have to travel and you're a musician. We can work on that. The important thing is communication. And you're obviously good at that. Plus I think we're meant to be because you pass my litmus test, proficiency in singing The Internationale, which very few men do these days. It's sad but true.)

Emmylou Harris makes the by now nauseatingly played out and  saccharinized Water is Wide beautiful again.

Joan Baez really IS a doll. She's also a MILF and a FILF (a folk-singer...)

Bring Em Home sung by Tao Rodriguez-Seeger et all is pretty amazing. Uplifting and at the same time totally tragic. Very emotional.

Rufus Wainwright's fedora is totally eclipsed by Tim Robbins'  NPR ponytail. Nonetheless, they sing a beautiful version of Michael Row Your Boat Ashore.

Intermission. I run into four more friends from camp (that makes 7). Run into two more (now we're at 9.)

Norm Lear presents Happy Birthday letter from Obama to Pete. Writing is nice. Coming would have been nicer. I'm bummed that Malia and Sasha aren't here.

Pete Seeger leads entire audience in an a capella version of Amazing Grace. He explains "there's no wrong note as long as you're singing." I think he means "as long as you're singing, not too loudly."

Cameo by Oscar the Grouch.

Richie Havens looks and sounds amazing. Such great cheekbones. Sings Freedom/ Motherless Child. which he finishes with a martial arts jump kick. He also kind of gracefully drop kicks his guitar. Not sure what that move is called. Or if it is a move.

I get confused when someone I think is my mother's cousin comes to the stage. It's actually Arlo Guthrie. But I text my cousin "Arlo Guthrie = Cousin Jackie." Before I hit send I get a text from my cousin "how much does Arlo Guthrie look like Cousin Jackie."

Peggy Seeger reads a sweet letter to her brother. But first she thanks all the people working backstage who we can't see and the crowd goes wild. (You know you're at a lefty folk concert when the invisible and unthanked workers get the loudest applause.)

Ben Harper sings with his mother and aunt (the oldest chick magnet trick in the world. Older than dog walking or being great with kids.)

Bruce Springsteen waxes very poetic and eloquent about Pete. When The Boss asked the Sege to sing This Land is YourLand and asked him which verses he wanted to sing, Pete said all of them. “He sings all the verses, all the time.... Especially the ones we’d like to leave out in the history of our people." Calls Pete a stealth dagger through the heart of what this country thinks of itself. Says he's like a grandfather "if your grandfather is gonna kick your ass."

The Boss (not a very union-friendly name) sings The Ghost of Tom Joad with Tom Morello, who, incidentally, is the great nephew of Jomo Kenyatta, Kenya's first president.

On way out I run into two more Kinderland friends. (that's 11.)

Run into cousins. My cousin's five year-old son asks "when are they doing this again?" Good question!

Hi guys. Here's a show I'm in. Despite its name, it's not a horror-themed comedy show. Nor will Andy Gibb be there, but his hit song and album is always in our hearts. 

The host, Harry, is great. See you there.

 

Saturday, May 2 @ 9:00pm - 10:30pm

Ochi's After Dark

@ Ochi's Lounge (under Comix Comedy Club) @ 353 West 14th Street (between 8th and 9th Avenue)

Harry Terjanian is once again bringing you the best line up of New York's finest mainstream and alternative comics!

With your host Harry Terjanian, featuring:

- Jordon Ferber (VH1)
- Sarah Benincasa (Family Hour)
- Jamie Lee (Live at Gotham)
- Yaminika Sanders (Comicview)
- Katie Halper (Huffington Post)

Evening of stand-up comedy that will skewer stereotypes, April 23, 2009.