The Top 10 Greatest Moments of the Iowa GOP Debate

  1. Michele Bachmann reveals her mother was a very resourceful lesbian who found a girlfriend right after her divorce: “My folks got divorced and my mom found herself a single mom with four kids.”
  2. Rick Perry concentrates and squints as he tries to understand what Mitt Romney is saying, as if he’ll be able to look through Romney’s skull and see his ideas if he looks hard enough.
  3. In what she hopes to be a historic moment, Michele Bachmann patents her “Newt [five-second pause] Romney” term. If Romney and Gingrich could indeed create a hybrid baby, I assume it would be a fickle orange Michelin Man with a severe side part.
  4. Perry suggests he’s in a polyamorous relationship with his wife and God: “I didn’t make an oath just to my wife…I made an oath to God when I married my wife.”
  5. The typically over-the top praise of Israel suggests debate was co-sponsored not by Yahoo but by Netanyahu.
  6. Michele Bachmann’s statement that she won’t rest until Obamacare is repealed explains a lot about her presentation.
  7. Mitt Romney appears to be have a herpes cold sore.
  8. Rick Perry manages to get through an entire debate without falling asleep, acting like he’s on laughing guess, making up names, or forgetting his own campaign ideas.
  9. Romney tries to look more down to earth by betting Rick Perry $10,000 instead of $10 million, his usual go-to wager.
  10. Michele Bachmann comes out as a Christian: “I am a Christian and I am unashamed and unapologetic about that.” It’s unclear where she finds the courage to speak openly about being a Christian as she stands with five other Christians, as they compete to become the 45th Christian President.
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