The Pentagon officially lifted the ban on women in combat on Wednesday. And the entire world applauded this historic move towards equality. Wait, no. That’s not what happened at all. Rather, wingnuts and supposedly “moderate” conservatives came out of the woodwork in droves to slam the decision, which was merely a formality, since women have already been giving life and limb fighting in the military. The critics’ hysteria would have been a totally appropriate response to, say, a decision to ban all men from the military. Here are some of the most batshit crazy reactions to women in combat.

Marine infantryman Ryan Smith warned in a Wall Street Journal Op-Ed that a Marine will “defecate inches from his seated comrade’s face.” He continued:

“Societal norms are a reality, and their maintenance is important to most members of a society. It is humiliating enough to relieve yourself in front of your male comrades; one can only imagine the humiliation of being forced to relieve yourself in front of the opposite sex…. Despite the professionalism of Marines, it would be distracting and potentially traumatizing to be forced to be naked in front of the opposite sex, particularly when your body has been ravaged by lack of hygiene.”

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