18 ways Jews ended the War on Christmas and help us celebrate the holiday

Cast of the film 'White Christmas'
Cast of the film ‘White Christmas’

As a Christmas-Tree Jew, I like Christmas just as much as the next goy. But even Jews who don’t celebrate Christmas deserve credit for helping the world celebrate the holiday. In fact, my Christian friends, you may want to think about sending your Jewish friends thank you notes instead of seasons greetings cards. Here are some of the Christmas songs,  films and major players brought to you by the Jews.
WAR AGAINST CHRISTMAS TERMINATOR
In case you didn’t know, the War on Christmas was declared over by Fox News. The winner is Christmas and the loser is Political Correctness. But the man who scored the victory was a Jew.

Fox News contributor KT McFarland kvelled to America’s Newsroom host Martha MacCallum about the December 15 CNN GOP debate: “At the very beginning, everybody put their hand on their heart and pledged allegiance to the flag, and at the end, [moderator] Wolf Blitzer wished everybody a Merry Christmas. So guess what, political correctness is dead.”  McCallum responding by declaring, “The War against Christmas is over… Put a nail in it from last night!”  Co-anchor Bill Hemmer, concurred, shouting from off camera, “We won! We won!”

CHRISTMAS MAJOR PLAYERS

Jesus Christ! (The original birthday boy!)

Brought to you by his Jewish mother, Mary. Since we Jews always get blamed for Jesus Christ’s death, we should really get some credit for his birth!

CHRISTMAS MOVIES

Holiday Inn Directed by Mark Sandrich

White Christmas Directed by  Michael Curtiz.

Love, Actually  Directed by Richard Curtis

A Christmas Carol (the 2009 remake with Jim Carrey) Directed by Robert Zemekis                                                     

9 comedy bits Lena Dunham critics need to call anti-semitic

image via youtube
image via youtube

It was disappointing, but  not  surprising that the Daily Show’s incoming host, Trevor Noah, be labeled anti-Semitic. He’s not, but that’s never stopped the Anti Defamation League .  Of his 8,828 tweets, two have been called anti-Semitic—that’s .0002 of his twitterfeed. In fact, one jokes about Israel’s hawkishness ( not Jews’ )  and one joke references the Holocaust (which  he acknowledges and does not endorse). While Noah says his mother is half Jewish, he is not perceived to be Jewish, for several reasons, including some quite racist ones. And as a perceived non-Jew, he lacks the Member of the Tribe protection that goes along with mocking your own.

The same cannot be said, however, of the other major alleged anti-Semite in the headlines, Lena Dunham.  The outraged response to Lena Dunham’s Dog or Jewish Boyfriend: a quiz,in the March 30 New Yorker would have you believe Dunham penned a chapter in a modern-day Mein Kampf. The comedian and writer is far from anti-Semitic. Dunham is doing what so many comedians have done and will continue to do: mock their own. When Larry David or Woody Allen do it, they are geniuses. When Lena Dunham does it, she’s an anti-Semite. Dunham, who was raised in a very New York secular Jewish world (much like I was—full disclosure) and her mother is Jewish. So, she is between fully Jewish and half Jewish, depending on how you define Jewishness. Religious Jews say you’re a Jew if your mother’s Jewish. My own standard is JEH, Jewish Enough for Hitler.   Dunham’s boyfriend is Jack Antonoff,  the lead singer and songwriter of Bleachers and lead guitarist of the indie rock band Fun–and a Jew.

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6 Hosting tips for Bibi: don’t urge people to move in if you think your neighborhood is extremely dangerous

image via wikipedia
image via wikipedia

 

Only one of the following statements can be true:

1. In less than a year, Israel could be attacked by the government of Iran, which is irrational, ISIS-like and Nazi-like, and determined to wipe out Israel.

2. European Jews should move to Israel, where they would be safe and sound.

So, which one is Bibi lying about?

During his campaign speech to the U.S. Congress, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu urged the U.S. to stop the current deal being negotiated with Iran, a deal in which, “the foremost sponsor of global terrorism could be weeks away from having enough enriched uranium for an entire arsenal of nuclear weapons and this with full international legitimacy.” Under the current negotiation, Netanyahu claimed, “Thousands of centrifuges used to enrich uranium would be left spinning…. Because Iran’s nuclear program would be left largely intact, Iran’s break-out time would be very short — about a year by U.S. assessment, even shorter by Israel’s.”

Iran is also, according to Bibi, a total irrational actor, comparable to the Nazis and ISIS, and bent on Israel’s destruction. So, it’s not really clear how any deal would work.

But the even larger inconsistency (to speak charitably) is that Israel is somehow a safe haven for Jews. Following the deadly shooting near a Copenhagen synagogue, and the killing of four Jews in a Kosher market in Paris, Netanyahu said,  “This wave of attacks is expected to continue, as well as murderous anti-Semitic attacks. Jews deserve security in every country, but we say to our Jewish brothers and sisters, Israel is your home.” (The opportunism and insensitivity were not lost on Jews and Jewish leaders.)

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