The best right-wing Christian Halloween costumes of 2014

With Halloween less than two weeks away, it’s never too early to start planning your costume. This year, why not make a statement and go as your favorite Christian Right hero, heroine, meme or hypocrisy.


1. ABSTINENCE ONLY

Bristol_Palin
Bristol Palin (Wiki Commons)

What You’ll Need:  Long brown hair or a wig; a suit (skirt and jacket) or a professional dancer outfit; name tags; a sharpie; a pillow; a real life or toy baby or toddler; a bottle of Mountain Dew or a bottle of Bleach; condoms; a hole-puncher.

Instructions: Put on a suit or a Dancing with the stars outfit and shove a pillow in it so you look pregnant. Also wear a long brown hair wig.  Write Bristol Palin on a name tag and put it on yourself. Write Tripp Palin on a name tag and put it on real or doll baby. Take the condoms out of the wrapper and hole punch through each one in a few places. Then put the condoms in your pocket.  Carry around the baby in one hand all night. In the other hand carry the bottle of bleach or Mountain Dew. Offer people sips and explain that abstinence only is the best policy but that if they’re in a jam, they should drink some Mountain Dew so they don’t get pregnant. Take out the hole-punched condoms and explain that those never work.

2. GAY MARRIAGE

Florida Box Turtle (wikipedia)
Florida Box Turtle (wikipedia)

 

What You’ll Need: An adult-sized tuxedo; a stuffed animal of your choice, but preferably a box turtle, if you can find one; a baby tuxedo; poster board; sharpie, preferably a rainbow pack; two gold rings; crazy glue.

Instructions: Put on the tuxedo and the ring. Take the stuffed animal (hopefully a box turtle, but any animal will do) and put it in the baby tuxedo. Crazy glue the ring onto the animal. Take the poster board and write “Just Married” on it. If you bought the rainbow pack, alternate the colors for the different letters. Put the sign on your back. Continue reading “The best right-wing Christian Halloween costumes of 2014”