Let right-wing Christians spice up your love life on the most romantic day of the year.
Just in time for Valentine’s Day, we bring you 13 pieces of advice from the Christian Right so you can spend the potentially sin-inducing holiday the right way.
1. Dump the Infidel
Dan Miser, author of Single Woman Seeking Perfect Man has a must-read column called “Five Red Flags for Christians Blinded by Romance.” The worst one of all is when “you’re dating an unbeliever,” or “dating someone who does not have a personal relationship with our Lord Jesus Christ.” Well, it turns out, “Any emotional attachment you have toward a person who is not on the same spiritual page as you, or vice versa, is an unhealthy attachment.” But don’t worry. Follow these concrete steps to find happiness, which are presented in totally relatable colloquial language: “Read and learn from those such as Samson of the Bible, and do now what you’ll otherwise wish you would have done later. Heed God’s Word, and be not unequally yoked.” In case you missed the memo, Miser has you covered. “Yes, that means break up and move on.”
2. Don’t Do It Missionary-Style
It’s not just wrong to date a doubter of Jesus Christ; it’s a documented and diagnosable disease, according to Miser. “Most Christians who hang onto a non-believer actually think they are the best chance that their unsaved date will ever have for knowing Jesus? Don’t be deceived.” And it’s so endemic that someone made up a term for it. “Someone has already coined a word for this false evangelistic strategy. It is called ‘missionary dating’.” Don’t do it!
Hey ladies! Because the Christian Right doesn’t exactly challenge the gender binary, to put it lightly, let’s look at some of the advice tailored for women.