Romance tips from an end-time pastor: Demons torture married couples who practice ‘woman on top’

image via youtube
image via youtube

Are you ever unable to sleep because you’re wondering which sexual positions will land you in hell, where you will be tortured by demons who will cut you, “in the most painful places”? Well, you’re in luck! A UK pastor has released a video explaining, in great detail, the various behaviors that will get you banned from heaven. And his source is pretty good… infallible, I would say in fact: god! So, you’re gonna want to pay attention.

The video, which is called, “Warning to Married Christian Couples from the Lord Jesus Christ,” is the creation of the Nigerian Pastor Olugbenga Oladejo, who founded the Complete in Christ Church (CICC), an “end-time” church which teaches “sinners to repent and children of God to be ready like the wise virgins,” located in Peterborough, England.

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Woman fired over divorce can’t sue, creationists who want tax dollars to discriminate can

image via youtube
image via youtube

Well, this makes for a nice juxtaposition. A judge ruled that a woman has no right to sue her employer for firing her over her marital problems. But, at the same time, a Creationist non-profit has already sued the state of Kentucky for not subsidizing their Noah’s Ark replica or letting them discriminate against non-Christians.

Alyce Conlon was a spiritual director for InterVarsity Christian Fellowship/USA, an organization that ministers to college students in Michigan.  In 2011, she told her bosses about problems she was having in her marriage and confided that she was considering divorce. Her bosses, asking themselves What Would Jesus do, no doubt, put her on leave, first paid, then unpaid. A year later, having not achieved marital harmony and bliss, she was fired. The next month, her husband divorced her.

Conlon tried to sue IVCF because, she claimed, the organization did not fire two male employees they knew had divorced their wives. But the 6th Circuit Court ruled that she did not have the right to sue because federal discrimination laws do not apply to religious leaders at religious institutions. U.S. Circuit Judge Alice Batchelder wrote that, “The government cannot dictate to a religious organization who its spiritual leaders would be.” IVCF, Batchelder wrote,  “believes in the sanctity of marriage and desires that all married employees honor their marriage vows,” and thus has the right to “consider the impact of any separation/divorce on colleagues, students, faculty and donors.”

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7 Church signs with painfully unfunny puns

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There are so many good reasons to avoid church– hypocrisy, corruption, child abuse, child abuse enabling and covering up. Now you can add a new one:  billboards trying and failing to be funny through painfully unfunny puns.

1. Put the fun back in fundamentalist. At least they’re honest about being fundamentalist.

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2. The Devil’s in the Pun’s Clever Details.

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3. When Hell is and isn’t a Curse. 

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8 Most Homophobic Religious Protest Signs

These abhorrent messages are courtesy of Christians, Jews and Muslims.

These hateful homophobic church signs are made not by clergy, but rather the flocks they shepherd: Christians, Jews and Muslims alike. Enjoy!

1. Loophole for lesbians? This sign focuses on the solution to the “problem” of gay marriage. And that solution is hanging. The sign, on display at an Indianapolis rally during the National Organization for Marriage’s Summer for Marriage tour, is based on the book of Leviticus: “If a man also lie with mankind the way he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination. They shall surely be put to death. Their blood shall be upon them.” Sure, this open call for executing gay men is way harsh. But it is surprisingly promising for lesbian women. Guess they can lie with women however they want. Also, where are the signs for enforcing the other punishments laid out in Leviticus, like killing people who curse their parents; shunning people who shave or cut their hair; wearing clothes made of mixed fabrics; having sex with menstruating women; and banning flat-nosed, “lame” or “blind” people from entering the altar of god.

2. GAY: Gay-related acronyms for Yahweh. If you’ve ever wished you had a mnemonic device for bigotry, you’re in luck! You’ll never forget why you hate the homos, thanks to this helpful and clever sign, which was held at a rally attended by 2,000 people in support of a North Carolina pastor who was under attack. What was his crime? He offended people during a Mother’s Day sermon when he quoted the Bible verbatim and said, “I figured a way to get rid of all the lesbians and queers….Build a great big large fence—50 or 100 miles long—put all the lesbians in there. Fly over and drop some food. Do the same thing with the queers and the homosexuals and have that fence electrified so they can’t get out. And you know what, in a few years, they’ll die out. Do you know why? They can’t reproduce!”

3. If these anuses could talk. This sign is from an anti-gay protest organized by religious groups in Kampala, Uganda in 2007. It gets right to the orifice of the matter: “Anus 4 defication.” The tagline, “A spoon is a spoon & a spade is a spade,” reminds us that an anus is an anus. And it’s for defecation. Nothing more. Nothing less.

4. God loves “God Hates Fags” apparel for kids! This isn’t a sign, per se, but it is an effective and kid-friendly way to spread the homophobic and hateful word of god. Kids love shirts that say God Hates Fags (I mean, just look at how happy the little girl is)! And God Loves Parents who use their children as ideological props and dress them in propaganda expressing something kids definitely don’t understand! With these Westboro Baptist Church motto shirts, you can really wear your lack of heart on your children’s sleeve.

5. Men at devious work.Sometimes, a picture speaks 1,000 words. And when the words are in Serbian, it’s especially helpful. This is another kid-friendly and accessible way to say, “I’m really insecure.” Continue reading “8 Most Homophobic Religious Protest Signs”

5 Atheist and Muslim Billboards That Really Pissed Off Right-Wing Christians

Ads that promote other religious beliefs and atheism are likely to rile up the Christian right.

In weeks past, we’ve brought you some outrageous signs and billboards posted by right-wing Christian churches. It turns out certain people can dish it out a lot better than they can take it. Here are some signs posted by people of other beliefs that caused major upset among conservative Christians.

1. Come out of the Christian Closet!

Photo Credit: American Atheists

The organization American Atheists doesn’t hate Christmas. They believe in celebrating the holiday season. They just don’t think the religious stuff makes sense.  Or, as they put it on a billboard in Manhattan’s Time Square, “Keep the MERRY. Dump the MYTH.”  Now, it may look at first glance like these American Atheists are themselves confused. They don’t buy the whole son of god thing, but they’re OK with Santa Claus? Seems pretty gullible to me. What they’re saying, of course, is that they enjoy the Christmas festivities without needing it to be Christian. As the organization’s president David Silverman explained, “If you know god is a myth, you do not have to lie and call yourself ‘Christian’ in order to have a festive holiday season. You can be merry without the myth, and indeed, you should…. We encourage people to be honest with themselves and their families this year. If you don’t believe in God, tell your family — honesty is the greatest gift, and they deserve it.”

The billboard inspired not only honesty but some major wit from Answers in Genesis, the multimillion-dollar Christian ministry behind the Creation Museum outside Cincinnati. They responded by spending $200,000 on their own Time Square ad, which  read, “To all of our atheist friends: Thank God you’re wrong.”  As Answers in Genesis president Ken Ham explained, “We’re not trying to attack them personally, but we do believe they’re wrong. From an atheist’s perspective, they believe when they die, they cease to exist. And we say no, you’re not going to cease to exist; you’re going to spend eternity with God or without God. And if you’re an atheist, you’re going to be spending it without God.” Sounds pretty Christian to me.

2. Merry Xmas and Happy Holocaust!

Photo Credit: atheists.org

Lest you think American Atheists limit themselves to flat graphic art, they also posted  a video on a digital billboard  in Time Square. Guess they like the neighborhood. “Who needs Christ during Christmas?” asked the 40′ x 40′ installation last December.  According to American Atheists president David Silverman , Christmas isn’t just for Christians: “We all love this time of year…Christianity has been trying to claim ownership of the season for hundreds of years. But the winter solstice came first and so did its traditions. The season belongs to everybody.”

But not everyone was so happy about this Happy Holiday billboard. State Senator Andrew Lanza (R-Staten Island)  called the billboard an “expression of hatred,” saying, “Just as millions of Americans are preparing to celebrate Christmas, the American Atheists organization has ridiculed the solemn beliefs of millions of New Yorkers.” What’s worse, this billboard, like so many other things that have absolutely nothing to do with the Holocaust, will lead to the holocaust: “Religious persecution of the kind that similarly led to the Holocaust began with small baby steps of ridicule and hatred of the religious beliefs of others.”

Continue reading and see the rest of the billboards at alternet.org